Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I can't! Can't write about her!

Why would I want to ruin her happy going life by blogging about her. Let her stay inside me as a memory, forever.
I know that love has the capacity to transform even the worst nightmares into a sweet pastime- but as the saying goes: Only time can heal. I will have to wait.

Monday, June 30, 2008

My Friend... a memory!

The Beatles
We used to listen to the Beatles all the time and try deciphering the meaning in their lyrics and relate that to our lives. We started going out on long mid-night walks on the silent, dark main roads. We sang Lemon Tree, counted the stars and the trees, saw beautiful girls in their balconies and I imagined an innocent life full of happiness. I rejoiced in the vastness of the sky, of Nature and of the heart that could enjoy all of this at once. I had transformed into Tom Hanks of Cast Away when I learnt how to be happy with myself. And my friend was my Wilson. I learnt from Saving Private Ryan that there were only two ways of living life- one is like a soldier and the other is like a chicken in the poultry. Both of them don’t know when death may strike. Both of their lives are intensely lived- every second counting sweetly. But the only difference was that one of them knew what he was doing. For one, death is by chance, whereas for the other, death was by choice. I learnt from Life Is Beautiful that a smile cost nothing and it is worth sharing. I learnt that man has the capacity to laugh even at the face of certain death. Fiddler on the roof taught me that there is music in everything around us- be it God’s Creation or Man’s Tradition! All seemed delicious in my life and there was absolutely no work to do. I felt that I had all the time in the world to enjoy the sweet lessons of life. So, this way ,I started getting exposed to many literary and philosophical resources and movies and my understanding towards life started to change. I started to realize that I was a kind of a Joker yesterday, and I also knew that I would feel the same tomorrow about today. Although many a times our past seems very silly and funny, sometimes dreaded, we should understand that our past holds the key to our future and the code for tomorrow is encrypted in our yesterday. Back to my story, I started understanding that there is more to life than I know and have understood. I also understood that my behavior about hiding my write-ups was wrong. I had wasted a lot of my friend’s time in fear of getting insulted. Now it was high time that I did something to compensate all that I had missed. So, I started revising all my contacts and found that one of my very close relatives- my Uncle was in a printing firm. I called him up promptly and told him what we were planning to do- to write a book. My Uncle was generous enough to offer us printing of the books free of cost. That was a jack-pot. I knew that my friend would be very happy to hear that he had to spend nothing to get his books published. That morning was really fresh and I was all the more enthusiastic to tell my friend about the good news. I called him up and told him everything that my Uncle had told me. I had expected him to jump up in joy. After all, his dream was about to come true. But my friend told me that he’d got sick of staying with a person who hasn’t been able to write a word for months together. He told that I didn’t have the urge to write and that I was a coward. He was harsh and right on my face. I tried to explain that I had written a lot of things and was waiting for the right time to show it to him. He did not believe me. He in fact blamed me of lying. Yes, I had lied to him many times fearing rejection from him, but this time I was true. I was ready. I was ready to write and be confident. But I was, not even in my dreams, ready to leave my friend. But he wanted it. He wanted to walk away. He wanted, in his words, to stay with some one who had the urge to write and the courage to live. He believed that I had none of these. The happiest day of my life turned out to be the saddest of all. My friend walked away blaming me for it and I thought that he was right. I had to be blamed. I had wasted his time and before I could correct, it was too late.


Two people had left me that week. One was my best friend with whom I spent almost 5 years of intense life and the other was my GIRLFRIEND.
To be continued… My Girl Friend